Recap: Gossip Girl 2x04 "The Ex-Files"

Gossip Girl this week was so fabulous it hurt. FABULOUS, I say. And it can all be boiled down three main points:

1. Dan Does the Douche

Douche!

MEGADOUCHE!

So much douche-age it burns!

Douche to the infinity!

Douche-y McDoucheman.

Even Jenny is sick of the douche-iness. If
Jenny hadn't clocked him one for the audience,
there would probably be a riot about
Dan's Supreme Douchedom.

Penn Badgley is soooo lucky I saw him in John Tucker Must Die and fell in love with him before he become Douche Personified.

2. Serena Unleashes her Inner Bitch

We were all waiting for it to happen and it did.

Fear for your life, little Doucheman. Fear for it!

Serena even (subtly) took Blair down by completely tagging her and treating her like a puppy, stroking her hair and tying handkerchiefs around her.

The thing about Bitchy Serena is that I don't know how well it can be done. Season One pretty much established that Old Serena was really just a huge drunk/slut, not really a bitch. And not the say anything mean about Blake, but I don't know if she can do bitch. She's just too...laidback. She doesn't have the high-strung Queen Bee nature of Blair/Leighton.

Speaking of Blair...

3. HOLY HANNAH, IT'S THE LORD AND THE DUCHESS.

Who saw that one coming? Doesn't it add new layers to Catherine's "stay away from Marcus" aside to Blair? We all thought Blair was being warned about the dangers of Englishmen and the Not Having Sex, but in fact, she wanted the Little Lord to conserve his juices for her.

I love this show.

But poor Blair. I felt so bad for her in this episode. Gets cheated on and gets de-throned.

But she's still a bitch and she works it.

Is everyone so excited about the next episode? Not only do we get Fashion Week, but we'll finally see the depths of Bitchy Serena we could only dream of before.

Hell yeah, Motherchuckers!