Spoiler Snark: Smallville's Upcoming Deaths

Okay lovers. Let's talk Smallville. (I know, I know, we're usually talking Smallville so it isn't that much different than normal.)

From our BFF, Ausiello:

Multiple sources confirm to me exclusively that two pivotal characters will bite the dust in this May's season finale. And in a bit of a departure for Smallville, both deaths will stick. "These characters will die and they will stay dead," maintains my insider. "This is the real deal."

Of course, that's not to say producers aren't planning a twist or two, because they are. But I'm told those twists do not involve bringing either character back to life.

If you're looking for another clue, you're out of luck. I'm not even going to do one of those morbid charts where I assess each character's chances for survival. I wouldn't want to do anything beyond writing this spoilery story to ruin the surprises in store.

Eh, one more little tease won't hurt anyone: One character qualifies as a Smallville vet... the other one, not so much.

So we pretty much know the non-vet death is Doomsday. I don't see how killing off Tess would be beneficial to the storyline, especially because she's the only thing connecting us to the Luthor legacy at this point, however tenuous and frayed that thread is. And no matter how much I love Sam Witwer, I can't see prolonging Doomsday at this point because you can't have a "SMASHSMASHSMASH" villian for an entire season without it being confusing as to why they aren't "SMASHSMASHSMASH"-ing the whole time (see: Buffy and Glory). So the first death is definitely Doomsday. Will Sam come back as Zod as some people are hoping? Sure. I'd love that. But Doomsday is definitely going to die in the finale.

That takes us to the second death: a veteran on the show. Since it can't be Clark, it leaves us with Chloe Sullivan, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Oliver Queen.

The only character that I'm positive will not die is Jimmy. Please. He's actually iconic and has a purpose on the show, even if that has been clouded by douche-baggery. I actually think Season 9 will be Jimmy's best season since 6, finally giving him a chance to just be an earnest photographer and not a haphazard love interest.

I'm hoping the death is Oliver. First and foremost, Justin Hartley is too good for this show. Secondly, if your set is a plane, obviously there are some issues including your plotlines. Thirdly, the Green Arrow actually does die (for an amount of time) in the comics, so it'd fit with the DC continuity the writers claim to sample from (however loosely in reality).

But, of course, in a fandom where there can only be one true love for Clark Kent and we have two women remaining, the key characters everyone is focusing on are Chloe and Lois. It's pretty much been decided that the season finale will decide for once and for all who Clark's soulmate is. Either Chloe dies and Lois is the last girl standing (as her ICONIC! name implies), or Lois dies and the executive producers actually had the balls to pull off Chlois and give Chloe her reward for seasons of crap.

There are arguments in favor of both. Lois has the name, the attitude, and the lightswitch!crushing on her side. Chloe has the spirit, friendship, and undying love on hers. I'm not going to discuss the ins and outs of each. Both have points and in the end, it comes down to if we can trust TPTB to do something extraordinary. Something unexpected. Something that will change the way people view Superman forever. (I mean, wasn't that the point of Smallville in the first place?)

I don't think we can trust them to do that. All we can trust them to do is shove ICONIC!CLOIS down our throats and crappy characterization down Chloe's. Which is what is scaring me so much. I know I get too invested in my television shows. But I don't know if I could recover from Chloe's death. I'm used to my ships not getting together, but when it's a forcible ripping apart (a la Sheppard and Weir), it's insanely upsetting. And with Smallville, I'm the most invested I've ever been. Chloe's death will devastate me or numb me completely or make me hate the whole show, which I've never really been able to do, even with the crappy writing. I feel like TPTB are stealing my ability to believe in earning what you get and that true love is being a support system, not cleavage and innuendo.

But maybe they're just releasing these spoilers to stir up a war in the fandom and in the end Oliver will die. Let's hope so.

Also, I'm going on Spring Break soon, so I'm bringing back Smallville recaps, starting with "Infamous" and working backwards. And may I say that "Infamous" didn't suck? In fact, it was actually enjoyable, if terribly paced.

Spoiler Snark: NCIS Shippy Goodness?

Question: Got anything on my favorite NCIS duo, Abby and McGee? --Beth
Ausiello: Don't miss the May 5 episode. "There's a little moment for Abby and McGee fans," reveals exec producer Shane Brennan, "and if they look closely, they'll see it." (BTW, major Tiva scoop coming later today. Clear your mid-day schedule.)

MCABBY!

That is all.

(And of COURSE I look closely. I'm a Harry/Hermione shipper after all. ;) )

As for the Tiva spoilers...

"It starts with part one of "Legend" on April 28, which is the spin-off episode," Brennan says. "Now, having said that, it doesn't really start in part one. We've been sowing the seeds of this for some time. And the audience is aware there's a character out there called Michael Rifkin (Merik Tadros), because he was introduced in the first episode of Season 6. And they know Tony's aware of Michael's existence. So let's just say, in the last four episodes, Michael makes his appearance in a big way.
"You've got what you might want to call a triangle," he continues. "It's a triangle with very, very pointy ends. Someone's going to get hurt."
As in, um, dead hurt? "Something tragic will happen to Tony," Brennan confirms. "Something tragic will happen to Ziva as well. It's one of those arcs that has been building and building and building for so long that we decided it really deserved to be featured in a big way. It's emotionally and physically explosive."
"Physically explosive" doesn't sound good. But the boss won't reveal whether anyone, much less either of Tiva's portrayers, is on their way out. "Possibly," he teases. "I won't take it any further than that."

*meep*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, at least LL Cool J will be there to cut the HEARTWRENCHING HEARTWRENCHINGNESS!!!

Just let them be happy goshdarnit!

*Sigh* Well, I'll take a happy McAbby over Tiva any day. But seriously. Tony doesn't need any more angst in his life. At least this bodes well for whumping?

Spoiler Snark: Smallville Renewed, Stargate Universe Cast

Make way for the ranting...

Smallville

Has been renewed for a ninth season. Why? This season has featured some of the WORST episodes in the entire run of the season. The arc has been weak. Not to mention, how can you have an enemy bigger than Doomsday?

Every character has been ruined this season. Chloe? She's a step beyond Pod!Chloe. She's Possessed!DoomsdayFeeding!Chloe. Lois? A desperate hot mess. Clark? Let's turn the dial from just plain whiny to ANGST!INCONSISTENCY. Oliver? Douche-y and extraneous. The only good characters are Dooms and Tess, and unless Tess unleashes her evil army of meteor freaks, I'm not going to like her that much either.

Please, TPTB, tell me how you plan to write next season. Tell me a smattering of what you have planned. Because after this season, it could only be more crap that serves to dishonor the mythos of Superman and the glory that was the early years of the show.

Stargate Universe

is now boasting a ridiculously large, ridiculously seasoned cast, including Robert Carlyle, Lou Diamond Phillips, Ming-Na, Alaina Huffman, Elyse Levesque, David Blue, Justin Louis, Brian J. Smith, and Jamil Walker Smith. Yes. That's NINE main cast members, although Mr. Phillips may just be recurring. Stargate has never had more than, what, six cast members? And even at that, it sucks. They cut the fat, replace characters, and never give enough development unless you're part of a ship or you're a break-out. I figure they're trying to go for a Lost-style "we have so many people on this ship that's in the middle of nowhere" feel, but Stargate isn't Lost. It doesn't have the same fondness for mythology or character development. I'm worried about even watching this show because I know that it will be a risk getting attached to any of them (I'm still not over the deaths of Janet, Beckett, and Elizabeth).

Also, I guess with Alaina cast, there goes the Green Arrow/Black Canary spin-off.

TV, why do you hate me?

Spoiler Snark: Gossip Girl, Greek, and Smallville

Where I will snark about spoilers. (Boy, I'm being adventurous with my newfound blogging love.)

In this outing: Who’s hooking up on Gossip Girl? Who’s deactivating on Greek? And who’s Smallville’s latest superhero?

Gossip Girl

As Watch with Kristin reported, Nate and Blair are officially ON.

To quote Kristin’s insider: "Blair and Nate are both at a crossroads. Blair has to accept she isn't going to Yale. Nate is being sucked into his family's expectations, and they are both there for each other and enjoy the familiarity. At first it's platonic, but, of course, that doesn't last long."

And, despite my loyal Chair/Bluck love, I am super-excited about this development. I know, I’m in the minority. But let’s think about how this is good for the show:

1. Nate hooking up with Blair totally shows Chuck what he’s lost and hopefully will give him a good kick in the rear to get his priorities in order.

2. Nate will finally be back in the central plot where he belongs. While I do love the Nate/Vanessa cuteness, Nate is not a B-plot character. And I’m excited to actually have Chace Crawford’s man-bangs cross my TV screen for more than three minutes a week, if even.

3. It will heat up a Nate/Chuck rivalry, meaning they'll actually have screentime together. Does anyone else miss season one Nate and Chuck when they smoked pot in Central Park and were just effortlessly cool and bromantic? Or when they fought over Blair and it was so effing amazing that you were angry that Nate gave up too easily? Yeah. I miss my Nate/Chuck interaction of any type and a Nate/Blair/Chuck love triangle works well to help re-establish their on-screen chemistry.

4. Anything that takes away from the Dan/Serena “we’ve broken up three times and still haven’t learned our lesson” drama is more than welcome in my book.

Plus, we all know that Blair and Chuck are endgame. So I don’t mind our Queen B getting some hot biceped action in the meantime. (And how romantic/gorgeous/exhilarating is that kissing-in-the-snow photo?)

P.S. If Blair’s not going to Yale, where IS she going? If everyone ends up at Columbia, I’m going to be so underwhelmed.

Greek

Two pieces of news:

From Watch with Kristin

“Max has given up grad school for Casey, which he'll make a point of a lot, but when he goes out of town for a month, look for Cappie and Casey to get into some trouble.”

No! Not my beloved Max! Seriously. I’m Cappie-ed out. I realize that he’s the charming slacker that we should all root for Logan Echolls-style, but Max is so wonderfully cute and smart and generous of spirit. I avoided falling in love with Max because I knew that I’d get my heart broken since Cappie/Casey is obviously what the writers and fans want, but he’s irresistibly a-dork-able. Stupid Casey. Maybe Max can get together with Ashleigh?

From Ask Ausiello

“Sources confirm to me exclusively that ding, dong the witch is dead. The witch in this case being Zeta Beta beeyatch Frannie, played with wicked zeal by Tiffany Dupont.”

This actually is freaking me out a bit. Without Frannie to act as the Big Bad, the show just makes Rebecca and Evan do unbelievably stupid stuff. Frannie is the go-to bitch character. I don’t care about her character’s redemption, unlike Rebecca’s and Evan’s. I’m really afraid that without Frannie that Evan will fully embrace the dark side that he has been wading in all of last season or that Rebecca and Casey will finally start an all-out war.

Smallville

Can't. Look. Away. From. Photoshopped. Chest.

From Ask Ausiello
“Anywhoo, by now you probably know that episode 19 finds Lois concocting her very own superhero alter ego, Stiletto, in an effort to smoke out the Red Blue-Blur. (She attacks bad guys with her pointy heels. Get it?) Well, what you may not know is that in that same episode, Chloe willingly begins harboring a fugitive whose name rhymes with Broomsday. (Second hint: He turned her wedding day into a low-budget Cloverfield.) And being the dutiful hostess that she is, she even throws in free meals. Wait 'till you see what, er, who she serves for dinner on Day One.”

Yes, ladies and gents. You read right. Lois Lane becomes a superhero named STILETTO. Like the shoes that you wear to your sorority’s formal before tossing them off because you can’t dance to K-Clarkson’s new single in them. I know I’m probably the only one still watching this show, but come on! Superman should not be about Lois Lane’s fetish for spiky footwear inspiring her to be a superhero.

Also, why is Chloe harboring Doomsday/Davis? Remember how he trashed your wedding? And do I really have to watch Chloe serve him people ala Little Shop of Horrors? I thought old school reporter Chloe would return once Brainiac was extracted from her, but it just seems like the writers want Chloe to just be the most nonsensical character on the already ridiculous show.

LET CHLOE BE HAPPY, TPTB! She deserves it after all the crap you've put her through!