Recap: Smallville 8x01 "Odyssey"

Previously on Smallville:
Jor-El: Way to be made of suck, son.
Clark: I save people!
Lex: Chloe sucks.
Jimmy: Marry me, Chloe!
Lana: Break-up Via Video 2: Clark Kent Edition. Video 1: Whitney Fordham can be found on DVD at my website, mulanarama.com.
Martha: I'm going to Washington, D.C. for my job. And even though you don't mention me for an entire season, you can claim at the end of the episode that I abandoned you. Whatever.
Lois: Apply to the Daily Planet!
Oliver: I rock.
Chloe: I heal people! And kill Brainiac!
Lex: I destroy your fortress!

Arctic Circle
Tess: What's going on here? Why are you digging?
Regan: Bitch, please. You think you can dye your hair brown and we'll take you seriously?
Tess: Where's Lex?
Oliver/Green Arrow: There's only one billionaire here, dudes and dudettes, and I've brought back-up.
AC/Aquaman: I'm also ice-resistant!

(JLA kicks some ass, takes lots of names.)

Dinah/Black Canary: What did they find?
Oliver:...The red jacket of doom...
AC: It finally ate him.

Credits
Allison Mack: I get second billing! That, my friends, is how you reap the benefits of holding out until the very end to sign your contract.
Justin Hartley: I get billed after two people who have never been on the show before? Now I know how Allison felt in Season Four.

Luthor Mansion
Lois: Lex likes French Maids! So I won't look out of place searching around an abandoned mansion. Thusly, this is a good costume!
Tess: Watch me out-act and out-bitch you in thirty seconds flat, Lois Lane.
Lois: At least this is the best bitch-off since Cordy and Lilah in Angel.

Lab? Gitmo?
Chloe: Fire bad. Tree pretty.
Lab Tech: She's a genius!

Isis
Oliver: Now I have my own Clark Kent room of Creepihood.
Dinah: I have a facial in thirty minutes. Can we go now?
Oliver: See my wibble face? That means no. Find my Supermonkey

Russia
Clark: Manual labor is lame! I have facial hair!
Russian Creeper: Keep working!
Clark: I'd rather steal your truck instead. Oops. MASSIVE FAIL. Crap, I'm bleeding!

Daily Planet
Tess: Tell me where Lex is!
Regan: I'm going to give the audience expository dialogue explaining who the hell you are in a threatening manner.
Tess: Work for me or I will TERMINATE YOU.
Regan: Back off, Summer Glau.

Lab/Gitmo
Chloe: What do I need to do?
Lab Tech: Give us these three encoded cell phone numbers.
Chloe: 555...wait a second. This is my booty call number! You're try to kill Ollie Bear! I won't let you! Watch me escape!
Regan: Dee-nied! Way to fail. MASSIVELY.

Russia
Oliver: I speak Russian. Give me caviar.
Clark: wibble?
Oliver: Do you got a problem with me?
Clark: Why would I have a problem with you? What are you doing? You know me! Oh, wait, this is a scam! You're trying to help me! Uh...yeah, I'm starting to have a problem with you!
Oliver: Man fight! Now let's go home.

Queen Industries Jet
Clark: I have no powers. Lex is gone. This show has no purpose anymore.
Oliver: Hey, hey, don't wreck my series regular status. Some of us like to get paid.

Lab/Gitmo
Regan: Suck it, JLA.
AC: Dinah, you have super-sonic awesomeness. Why don't you knock him out?
Dinah: Poor writing?

Oliver: Break in!
Clark: I'm going to find Tiny Little Blonde. BRB.

Lois: What are you doing here?
Clark: Snarky snark!
Lois: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the Iron Curtain.

Chloe: You're not the government! You're Luthorcorp!
Regan: We used your mom's spinal fluid to create a do whatever we what serum! It doesn't last long, but it gets the job done.
Chloe: So, it's your roofie of choice. Oh, is your face boiling and puckering? 'Cause you just got BURNED.

Clark: Stop pointing a gun at me.
Lois: At least I brought something to kick butt, Mr. I-Have-No-Super-Powers.

Lois: Chloe! I save you!
Lackey: I tazer you!
Clark: Screw you lackey! I save you, Chloe!
Chloe: Hug! Let's ignore the unconscious Lois on the floor.

Oliver: I kill you!
Clark: You've been roofied! Don't shoot!
Oliver: Shot through the heart and you're too late!
Clark: Die!
Chloe: Holy Heart Hole, Green Arrow! What did you do?
Oliver: Roofied!
Chloe: I'll save him! Why won't it work?
Clark: The things important to me are flashing before my eyes! Lana! Mom! Dad!...wow, my life is SAD.
Martian Manhunter: I'm getting too old for this.

Barn
Martian Manhunter: I fixed you. Don't say thank you. Whatever.
Clark: Foreshadow Alert! I feel like I have to be two separate beings.
Martian Manhunter: I have no powers! Jor El is gone! I can't stay.
Clark: MY MOM AND LANA DON'T LOVE ME.
Martian Manhunter: And you wonder why I'm going.
Clark: Let me put on my red jacket meaningfully so you can tell it's a reference to my red cape!

Lab Mansion
Tess: Veritas window! Lex's desk! I can soak up the evil through my fingertips.
Assistant: We found a foot print that's not Lex's. And this pretty stone.
Tess: I'm totally making this into a necklace. It'll be hot.

The Talon
Jimmy: I looked everywhere for you!
Chloe: You mean, you let Lois and Clark look for me?
Jimmy: ...
Chloe: Let's get married! You're perfect
Jimmy: No I'm not.
Chloe: No, you're not. But I'm afraid if I break up with you, you'll sell those nude photographs you took of me.

Metropolis
Clark: Thank you JLA.
Oliver: Maybe you should Dual Identity Up like us.
Dinah: WITH SPANDEX!
Oliver: Now that Lex's people know our secret, we should split up! Dinah? Where are you going?
Dinah: I thought you said "Split up."
Oliver: AFTER you get your panties out of my dryer!

Daily Planet
Clark: Guess who had time to get an internship while he was in Russia?
Lois: Wow. The Daily Planet just hands out these things, don't they?
Clark: And unlike you, I didn't have to sleep with anyone!

But for Reals
The premiere was pretty good. We got the JLA (who I always love) and Martian Manhunter (who I equally love). Plus, Tess Mercer was AWESOME. I mean, I would still want Lex, but Cassidy Freeman is definitely giving it her all and it's paying off. Plus, Chloe was still as awesome as ever and her new superpower will totally be interesting. I'm still not a fan of Chimmy or Clark getting on the Daily Planet there but for the grace of TPTB, but I think this season might suck less than I thought it would.