Recap: Smallville 8x02 "Plastique"

Before we get into the nitty gritty of actually critiquing this episode (because, dear darlings, it was not a good episode), let's take an aside about casting.

Smallville has some of the best potential of any show on TV. I'm not just saying this. It's true. They've got the deliciously iconic Superman mythos to play with, allowing them to delve into sci-fi and fantasy and drama and comedy all while still being relevant and instantly recognized by the American public. Their actors? Allison Mack and Michael Rosenbaum deserve crazily amazing careers, especially after all the crap Smallville has put them through.

What really creams my cheese (I know, not as classy as Buffy's "You know what grates my cheese?" but I'm trying to work it), is that they keep on getting fabulous actors, writers, composers...EVERYTHING and for some reason Smallville just can't stop dropping the ball. It's like no one ever taught them how to properly develop characters or a plot arc.

The latest thing to ignite my ire is how utterly fabulous both Cassidy Freeman and Sam Witwer are as Tess Mercer and Davis Bloome, respectively. Please add them to the list of quality regulars like Jensen "I'm Too Hot for My Own Good" Ackles and Justin "Every Scene Requires Shirtless Action" Hartley who try to take the cliche and uninspired dialogue and plot and make it into something watchable.

Why is it that the showrunners cast two fabulous actors, all while adding Mr. Hartley as a regular, and let their skills rot by just casting them in love triangles? Do they think Lionel had such a strong fan base because he was fighting for Lana's love? No, he was loved because he was a magnificent bastard with killer storylines.

I don't want to see Davis making goo goo eyes at Chloe while she's marrying Jimmy and still in love with Clark. I don't want to see Lois and Tess fawn over Clark who has to, once again, reconsider his feelings for Chloe and then deal with Lana coming back during sweeps. I want to see actual plot. Motivated plot that is not smashed over our heads but worked organically. Is that too much to ask?

As for the actual episode...

We can't ignore the fact that this episode tried waaaay too hard to set up the season. I would have loved to see Clark discover journalism (or the benefits to being a journalist) instead of apparently getting hired...uh, when he was in Russia crating caviar. Even to harken back "Vengeance" and how the Daily Planet can be used as a hub of information for superheroes. ANYTHING. But Smallville can't do subtle or believable to save its ass, so instead we have Clark Kent SUPERJOURNALIST within two episodes, even though he didn't finish his freshman year of college and hasn't worked on a newspaper since high school three years ago.

I hated seeing Chloe being so dismissive of journalism and her career. Journalism is quite clearly her life (she admitted as much to Davis when she admitted she researched him) and to deny that part of her is ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous was the perpetual hitting Chloe (and the audience) like a boxer with reasons why she should take over Isis and help out meteor freaks. It was more heavy handed than The Dark Knight's views on justice.

POD!Chloe cares not for consistent characterization, only
cheap engagement rings and angsty meteor freaks.

And, please. The Davis-Chloe thing? If she weren't in love with both her fiance Jimmy and her BFF Clark and Davis didn't happen to be Doomsday, I might buy it. But I don't need it sold to me in one episode of lingering touches and close proximity. I can interpret things.

Tension!

SEXUAL Tension!

GENTLEMANLY Sexual Tension!

Finally, I loved Lois and Clark: the New Adventures of Superman. I watched it as a kid. I want my kids to grow up to look like Dean Cain. And maybe it's because of my dedication to that show that makes me say that the romantic comedy antics of Lois and Clark have been done and done by better actors and writers. Not to mention that Smallville isn't a comedy. Whenever they try to inject snark, it jars with the rest of the episode (see the much wasted snark-age of Jensen in season four). Smallville is innately a little smarmy. OWN IT, TPTB. Don't try to manufacture chemistry between every single character, and don't destroy the sanctity of Lois and Clark. Or rather, don't be so dedicated the amazing legacy of Lois and Clark that their parts of the episodes don't fit with the rest of the show. I can tell you the part of the episode I cared about the least was Lois teaching Clark to be a journalist. (How can you care about that when Chloe's living with a pyro-freak and Davis is radiating charisma?)

"I would have killed for an obit." And by that, Lois means
"I would have slept with my boss for a cover story."

But! There was some good in the episode as well.

1. Clark changing in a phone booth.

I love a good Superman nudge. So sue me.

2. Chlark Goodness!

I squee-ed when Davis thought Clark was Chloe's fiance from what he saw at the accident.

Clark! Hands!

That awkward convo in the hospital when Davis accidentally spills about Chloe's engagement when Clark doesn't know about it:

"Dude, your fiance is HAWT. Nicely done, tapping that!"

"I'm getting married? I'm tapping...?"

"Chloe, man. Hot diggity dog, dude."

"Wait. Chloe's getting married?"

"Shit. Uh, gotta go!"

Clark was NOT happy hearing about Chloe's engagement. And Davis was clumsily charming. Witwer has the charisma of a not-as-annoying, not-as-douche-y Dan Humphrey.

And then the engagement conversation between Chlark:

Let's pretend this is a screepcap of him giving her an
engagement ring. Yeah. Fits better than Jimmy,
doesn't it?

"If I marry Jimmy, we can't be besties anymore. Are you
ready for that? Are you ready to leave the nest and
live the rest of your life working with my
annoying, under-qualified cousin?"

"All I care about is your happiness! You and
Jimmy will have fat, gurgling offspring!"

"Crap. I'm going to have to MATE with Jimmy."

Snark aside, it was a painful conversation that actually was quite emotional. It's obvious what was going on, but Clark can never accept the subtext Chloe gives him. Chloe didn't tell Clark about her engagement because she didn't want her relationship with Clark to change. She still wants Clark to be her number one priority. Clark still wants to be her number one priority, but he, the pseudo-martyr that he is, only cares about saving face. He might be willing to admit that they are "more than friends," but he can't admit that his feelings are strong enough to stop Chloe's marriage to Jimmy.

Which is not to say that they won't be in the future. I mean, he was mostly grumble-y before Lana and Lex's wedding before stepping in at the last second. Admittedly, the writers would never let Clark feel anything romantic for Chloe. But JEEZ. What a wasted opportunity.

3. "I already had you on my to-do list today."

*wibble*

Clark is scared out of his effing mind, I'm sure. Tess is badass, flirty, and sooooooooo fabulous. She'll eat you alive, Clark.

I love love love Tess, have a mentioned that?

4. Lois' reaction the Chimmy engagement

Yeah, that's about the same reaction the fandom had.

5. Clark saves Chloe.

Clark's saves of Chloe are the best on the show. "Vessel"? "Noir"? Yeah. Lana may fall off buildings, but Chloe! MAN, her life is an deathtrap.

Next Week: Green Arrow Origins! Justin Hartley shirtless for an actual reason! I'm smelling Emmy gold.