I Went to a Stupid CW Prom and All I Got Was This Lousy Dress

After re-watching Smallville's prom episode, "Spirit," I've decided to do a little CW prom dress cataloging. Because, let's face it. For a network that is supposed to be up with the trends and what the young people wear, most of their shows have awful formal wear choices.

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

What a fabulous photo. If only Buffy's dress could have been half as fabulous.

Ug. I think if there had been no build to the dress ("Angel's gonna lose it!"), I wouldn't dislike it as much. The color is nice and shimmer-y, if not eye-catching. But then you start looking at it. It gathers in weird places and it doesn't look like it fits right around the bust, as if it's about to fall off of her at any second and expose her. And then it has that awful brooch that's been pinned lopsided.

And that weird train. To top it all off, the material ends up looking a little cheap. I read somewhere that it was a Vera Wang dress; I guess it just proves that even the almighty Vera can mess up.

Willow has a more traditional prom dress and she looks lovely. Plus cool hair. And spiffy-looking Oz.

I like Anya's dress because it has a very vintage feel with the lace and the patterned red. You really believe that a vengeance demon who lived through the Bolshevik Revolution would see that in a store and come to terms with it as an appropriate compromise of the fashion of all her times.

But the best dress?

That, dear Buffy, is how you wear a show-stopping dress. One that is in-character and gorgeous with a total wow-factor.

Eat it up, Wesley.

One Tree HillOh. My. God. Ta-cky. Haley, the pregnant valedictorian in go-go boots, Peyton in a nice-color, but unremarkable dress post-kidnapping, and Brooke in what Nina Garcia calls the ultimate tacky sin: shiny, tiny, and short. I can get behind the short prom dress thing. Kind of. But if you're gonna wear it with hooker boots or sequins, I'm just going to have to stamp "FUGLY" on it.

And let's not even start on the men. I mean, I can get behind Skill's leather or Mouth's powder blue retro look ensemble because they both fit the characters. But Lucas has that poorly-cut, poorly-accented white jacket and is that a velvet coat on Nathan? What's wrong with a plain black tux with an accent matching your date's dress? Nothing, I say! It's a classic for a reason.

Why was the tackiness of this cast's entire ensemble not kept in check? *le sigh*

Edit: Apparently there was a reason for the tackiness. Since I didn't watch the fourth season of OTH, I didn't know the prom episode followed a trip to a vintage store for their ensembles. I still say that there are ways to do vintage and mean business. See Mouth. But even if it's 70's, they're dressed more for clubbing than prom-ing, as evidenced by That 70's Show.

Floor-length! Muted Colors! Floral! Prom's an effing big deal no matter what decade you're in and you don't go dressed like a tramp or an Emma Peel Wanna-Be. To conclude: WB/CW shows should showcase awesome dresses, even if they are from a 70's vintage shop, that every teen girl will drool over. That, and the customary awww! romantic dancing! parts.

Also, I will never excuse Nathan or Lucas' jackets. Or their hair. Eek.

Smallville
What's great about this prom episode is that we get the spirit of a Super-Prom Supporter and thus we get, when she inhabits Lois' body, the most cliched prom dress ever:

It's like the nightmare prom dress that mated with your Miss Junior Tacky formal wear selection. And for that reason, it's fabulous. Good job, Smallville costumers for finding the worst prom dress ever. It's hot pink and it's shiny and I love it.

Chloe has a halter dress. It's very nice, modern with the criss-crossed banding, although a bit strange when the banding leaves gaps. It highlights what fans of Smallville call her "Chloevage."

Yay, prom queen.

But, my friends, Smallville also features the motherload of sincere prom awesomeness in the form of Miss Lana Lang.

Lana! For as much as I hate her character, she does look stunning 99% of the time. And here she is just gorgeous. Just beautiful. This is a dress and an entrance that will make your commitment-phobe, super-powered love interest "lose it." Admittedly, it's a fairly simple sweetheart-cut A-line dress. But what really sells it is that it's expertly styled and fits her perfectly. WIN. And best prom look I've seen on TV or in real life.

(Side Note: Kristin Kreuk is the halfie that I want to be. Or, you know, Michaela Conlin from Bones. Whatever.)