Spoiler Snark: Smallville's Upcoming Deaths

Okay lovers. Let's talk Smallville. (I know, I know, we're usually talking Smallville so it isn't that much different than normal.)

From our BFF, Ausiello:

Multiple sources confirm to me exclusively that two pivotal characters will bite the dust in this May's season finale. And in a bit of a departure for Smallville, both deaths will stick. "These characters will die and they will stay dead," maintains my insider. "This is the real deal."

Of course, that's not to say producers aren't planning a twist or two, because they are. But I'm told those twists do not involve bringing either character back to life.

If you're looking for another clue, you're out of luck. I'm not even going to do one of those morbid charts where I assess each character's chances for survival. I wouldn't want to do anything beyond writing this spoilery story to ruin the surprises in store.

Eh, one more little tease won't hurt anyone: One character qualifies as a Smallville vet... the other one, not so much.

So we pretty much know the non-vet death is Doomsday. I don't see how killing off Tess would be beneficial to the storyline, especially because she's the only thing connecting us to the Luthor legacy at this point, however tenuous and frayed that thread is. And no matter how much I love Sam Witwer, I can't see prolonging Doomsday at this point because you can't have a "SMASHSMASHSMASH" villian for an entire season without it being confusing as to why they aren't "SMASHSMASHSMASH"-ing the whole time (see: Buffy and Glory). So the first death is definitely Doomsday. Will Sam come back as Zod as some people are hoping? Sure. I'd love that. But Doomsday is definitely going to die in the finale.

That takes us to the second death: a veteran on the show. Since it can't be Clark, it leaves us with Chloe Sullivan, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Oliver Queen.

The only character that I'm positive will not die is Jimmy. Please. He's actually iconic and has a purpose on the show, even if that has been clouded by douche-baggery. I actually think Season 9 will be Jimmy's best season since 6, finally giving him a chance to just be an earnest photographer and not a haphazard love interest.

I'm hoping the death is Oliver. First and foremost, Justin Hartley is too good for this show. Secondly, if your set is a plane, obviously there are some issues including your plotlines. Thirdly, the Green Arrow actually does die (for an amount of time) in the comics, so it'd fit with the DC continuity the writers claim to sample from (however loosely in reality).

But, of course, in a fandom where there can only be one true love for Clark Kent and we have two women remaining, the key characters everyone is focusing on are Chloe and Lois. It's pretty much been decided that the season finale will decide for once and for all who Clark's soulmate is. Either Chloe dies and Lois is the last girl standing (as her ICONIC! name implies), or Lois dies and the executive producers actually had the balls to pull off Chlois and give Chloe her reward for seasons of crap.

There are arguments in favor of both. Lois has the name, the attitude, and the lightswitch!crushing on her side. Chloe has the spirit, friendship, and undying love on hers. I'm not going to discuss the ins and outs of each. Both have points and in the end, it comes down to if we can trust TPTB to do something extraordinary. Something unexpected. Something that will change the way people view Superman forever. (I mean, wasn't that the point of Smallville in the first place?)

I don't think we can trust them to do that. All we can trust them to do is shove ICONIC!CLOIS down our throats and crappy characterization down Chloe's. Which is what is scaring me so much. I know I get too invested in my television shows. But I don't know if I could recover from Chloe's death. I'm used to my ships not getting together, but when it's a forcible ripping apart (a la Sheppard and Weir), it's insanely upsetting. And with Smallville, I'm the most invested I've ever been. Chloe's death will devastate me or numb me completely or make me hate the whole show, which I've never really been able to do, even with the crappy writing. I feel like TPTB are stealing my ability to believe in earning what you get and that true love is being a support system, not cleavage and innuendo.

But maybe they're just releasing these spoilers to stir up a war in the fandom and in the end Oliver will die. Let's hope so.

Also, I'm going on Spring Break soon, so I'm bringing back Smallville recaps, starting with "Infamous" and working backwards. And may I say that "Infamous" didn't suck? In fact, it was actually enjoyable, if terribly paced.