Recap: Gossip Girl 2x05 "The Serena Also Rises"

Let me first and foremost say how much I love the puns in the episode titles? I mean, nothing with ever beat "The Blair Bitch Project," but this one is pretty good.

As for the episode itself, it's a bit of a step down from the previous two episodes, but it was still good.

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Summary: Eleanor Waldorf is having her fashion show! Blair gets to do the seating arrangements. No big names (Kristin Dunst isn't a big name since when?) are coming, so, under Jenny's suggestion, Serena brings her socialite posse to sit in the front row instead of staying backstage with Blair, as is tradition. Blair gets back at Jenny by telling Rufus that Jenny's been cutting class. Jenny has two options: be at fashion week or grovel to the headmistress to stay at school. She chooses fashion week.

When Jenny undermines Blair by redoing the seating again, Blair sends all the models home so Jenny, who is in charge of getting the models out, gets in trouble. Jenny convinces Serena and the socialites to do the show. Socialite Poppy tells Serena to let her inner star shine and get over Blair's insecurities. Blair, in a last ditch effort to ruin Jenny's life, tells Serena to put on the final dress, which Blair has switched with one of Jenny's designs. However, the dress is well-received and Eleanor decides not to rip Jenny to shreds.

Rufus, however, knows better and chastises Jenny, who huffs off, saying that she's more talented than he ever was and that she's not going back to school and he can't tell her what to do. Really maturely. Blair apologizes to Serena and Serena bitches about how Blair should just be happy for her and just accept that she's not as cool as her.

MEANWHILE, Dan's mentor tells him to experience the life of his character "Charlie Trout" in order to find better material to write. Dan and Chuck hang out. Chuck makes Dan do drugs. Chuck makes Dan walk home without shoes. Chuck tries to pay a whore-y looking girl for sex and her boyfriend takes offense. Dan hits said boyfriend. Chuck and Dan go to jail. Chuck tells Dan that his dad doesn't love him because his wife died either giving birth or in the Andes. Chuck says he'll get his lawyer to get Dan out of jail. Chuck finds out that Dan was writing about him and is livid. Dan has to call his mentor to get him out of jail. Dan bitches out mentor and writes story about how mentor made him live on the dark side.

CONCURRENTLY, Mama Van der Woodsen tries to buy a naked photo of herself to hang in the apartment to traumatize her children. Bart Bass has enough common sense and decorating taste to NOT want that. Mama VdW finds out that Bart has a file on her, including some incriminating secret yet to be divulged!

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Let's do our top five, ladies and gents.

1. Blair Needs a Hug.

Oh, Blair.

I know a lot of people probably found Blair's actions in this episode inexcusable. And they were. But people. Blair is hurting and hurting badly. She just found out her third love interest of the show was cheating on her (just like her previous two), only to have her best friend spend time with a socialite instead of comforting her. Her mother is too busy with her collection and her new psuedo-daughter Jenny. I am not being sarcastic when I say life is HARD for Blair.

Should she have been thinking of her mother's show when Serena wasn't going to be with her backstage in order to draw in the clientèle? Yes. But is it completely understandable that she would be upset? Yes. All Blair really wants is her best friend back. She wants the good times back. Once more, everything has been taken from her and she's alone.

With everything falling apart, she had one thing in her control: the seating chart. With that taken away from her, she had nothing.

What kills me is that when Blair finally mans up and apologizes, Serena shoots her down. And people wonder why Blair constantly has a shield around herself.

I'm so sorry! I've been really upset lately--

Uh, sorry, I've got to "shine." You should love me
because I'm awesome and you're just a spiteful little
bitch. Laters!

2. Chuck Also Needs a Hug.

We saw a new side to Chuck tonight, both from Chuck himself and from the scene with Bart and Lily. We already knew about the daddy issues from "Victor, Victrola," but the sheer sense of loneliness that radiates off of him is usually deflected by his quips with Blair or his slurred asides to Nate. Without either of them, he's forced to turn to others outside of his circle: Erik (like in the last episode) and Dan.

Anyone else super-excited that Mama Van der Woodsen has a secret? I love parental drama!

3. Serena Is a Bitch (But Not in a Good Way)

I'm tired of Serena.

Jenny is right. Everything just gets handed to Serena, sort of inexplicably. She's pretty, yes, but she's as bland as flour. She's sooo unremarkable that I am always surprised when characters are drawn to her. Even her voice is so bleh. Outside of "killing a man" (way to blow that one out of proportion), Serena is a pretty girl with a nice mom, awesome brother, and great clothes. Sure, she broke up with her boyfriend, but he was a complete loser. And when Blair tries to help her out (in her own Blair way), Serena shuts her down.

This entire episode for Serena was supposed to teach her to shine and sparkle and shimmy and shake because she's SOO fabulous.

It's a fashion show, dumbass. You don't stay at the end
of the runway and pose, you walk forward, shake your little tush,
and then walk back.

The only reason I've ever liked Serena is because when the crap goes down, she's a good friend. When she was picked as a model and found out Blair wasn't? She dropped out. She may have slept with Nate, but otherwise she's always had Blair's back. This episode changed that. Now, I believe in choosing oneself when the time is right, but the time is NOT right when your best friend is having her entire world being ripped from her.

4. Dan Doesn't Suck.

Was anyone else surprised when the episode ended and you didn't hate Dan Humphrey? I mean, you definitely realize he has limited potential as a writer since he only writes what he knows best (his life) and doesn't even bother to use good pseudonyms. Although, "I'm Charlie Trout," sounds a little stupid. Well, "Charlie Trout" sounds stupid. We couldn't have, like, "I'm Charles Tuna"? "I'm Chuckie Mackerel"? *Le sigh*

Dan used "Lady of the Night" in a short story! HAHAHA.

I am never unsure of Dan's motives. He's pretty transparent. And you could tell that he really did enjoy--or if not enjoy, appreciate--his time with Chuck. He wanted to write about Chuck, but more than that, I think he wanted to see how the other side lives. He's been separated from Serena, has had no social contact outside of Jenny or Off-Screen Vanessa. And Chuck represents (and, okay, stay with me here) Serena to Dan. He represents the life she lives, the life she chooses to live without Dan. Dan misses Serena, and, more than anything, still has his huuuuuge class issues. He wants to know what Serena can't find in him and then wants to convince himself that he doesn't need that.

Sometimes, Danny Boy, I actually feel for you.

(Side note: did anyone else notice how they're getting everyone to go to Yale in order to continue GG to college? "Dartmouth's entire English Department was poached by Yale" my ass. Did Yale pay the CW for all their characters to go there? Or maybe just paid for the Girls: Gilmore and Gossip.)

5. Jenny Needs a Slap.

This is how I do unappreciative little pig.

OMG. The moment I think Jenny might be tolerable, she reverts to her self-centered brat. I may be biased, since I think that Rufus can do no wrong, but all he wants is for his daughter to get a good education. He's paying really good money to help her and she's throwing it away.

Oh, Rufus. Such a cool guy. Such awful kids.

The only way to save Jenny from being totally hated was her sweet little one-on-one with Blair. But even that doesn't make up for her stupidity and rudeness.

Jenny: I'm going to drop out of high school!
Blair: That's nice, sweetie. I'll send you a postcard from Yale.

I am so over her. No wonder Josh Schwartz isn't doing an It Girl spin-off with her. No one would watch.

Next Week: Blair throws beer bottles at Serena's head!