Recap: Gossip Girl 2x06 "New Haven Can Wait"

Summary:

Blair wakes from a dream where her Audrey Hepburn is out-classed by Serena in My Fair Lady. Upon waking, she tries to push her insecurities aside and keep herself happy with her upcoming visit to her father's alma mater, Yale. Serena is planning to visit Brown, despite getting a handwritten letter to visit Yale because (as she shows in her limited humanity in this episode) it's Blair's school. Also, Serena is dumb as Helen Keller pre-The Miracle Worker. (Get it? Because she couldn't talk?...oh, whatever, I thought it was hilarious.)

Blair points out to Serena that she's as dumb as the aforementioned Keller and Serena decides that the best thing to do is to go to Yale to screw over Blair. Right. Really mature, Serena.

Why, yes, I AM planning to major in New Bitch-ish Literature!
How did you know?

Serena gets all personable with the Dean and gets invited to his special gathering, which Blair is not invited to. Blair, being Blair, connives her way into the soirée, where each prospective Yale student must fill out a person they would most like to meet. Serena, livid at Blair for crashing the party, steals her person. Blair, being Blair, switches the entry to the name of the man Serena "killed" last season. This leads to a bitch-fight outside, which Serena totally starts by pushing Blair. After their fight, they decide not to be friends anymore.

Finally, Serena and Blair come to terms with their rivalry (that lasted all of two episodes), decide to be BFFs again, and decide that going to Yale together would be, jeepers, so cool and Gilmore Girls-esque. The Dean calls Serena, offering her admission, despite, you know, supposedly killing a man. However, he says Blair will find out in the spring. (Which makes NO sense, since Yale is her first choice and there's no way Blair didn't Early Decision that application.)

MEANWHILE, the boys are also visiting Yale. Chuck convinces Nate to visit Yale with him because he wants to join the Skull and Bones. Nate is a begrudging participant since his dad's illegal money matters ruined many a trust fund there.

Dan needs a letter of recommendations, so the Dean mandates that he get one from a professor. At Yale. By the end of his visit. I mean, maybe this is why I don't go to an Ivy League school, but seriously? You won't just take a recommendation from his high school English teacher, someone who has actually talked to him and seen repeated examples of his work? Seriously?

Nate lands himself a college girl (well, he does like his older women), but says his name is Dan Humphrey so that he doesn't get in trouble with the guys that are pissed off at his dad. It turns out that Dan needs help from said college girl to secure a prof rec and he totally cock-blocks Nate, ruining his cover.

I'm sorry, I'm not interested unless you're underage.

Chuck gets kidnapped by the Skull and Bones and must prove his awesomeness. He provides women. Women who do their work best in threes. Kinky threes. The men enjoy the women, but also need a show of loyalty from Chuck: he will deliver them Nate for them to pummel. Chuck, still fuming from last week, gives them Dan instead, who they tie up. Nate and College Girl help Dan down.

Shirtless, immobile Dan? The best kind.

Nate is furious that Chuck did that to Dan. I guess Nate and Dan are suddenly friends after no previous interaction? I mean, why the hell not? Chuck, on the other hand, now has blackmail photos of all the guys in Skull and Bones in kinky positions with his ladies.

CONCURRENTLY, Jenny convinces Rufus to let her work and be home schooled (Home schooled by whom is a good question, but it is never brought up. I love Rufus, but I doubt Rufus is the calculus sort.). She totally seals the deal by having Rufus all loosened up by Lilly Van der Woodsen. And my coupling of the "old" people on the CW continues.

1. Serena v. Blair

We all have our perfect person that we secretly always compare ourselves to. Our Natasha, to borrow from Sex and the City. My high school Natasha kicked my ass at speech team, goes to Princeton, and dated the sweetest guy ever. She is also ridiculously pretty and personable. A monster hit on all counts. Blair has Serena, who is effortlessly charming and affable, despite her dull wit and naïveté.

But Serena proved in this episode to be quite a hard pill to swallow. There are three types of bitches. Two are lovable (well, ish), and the third is draining and obnoxious:

1. The Bitch who Knows It and Owns It.
2. The Bitch who Is Hiding Her Insecurity.
3. The Bitch who Thinks She's the Nicest Girl Since Pollyanna.

Blair falls into the first two categories; Serena squarely into the third. The third category is also inhabited by Cady from Mean Girls. No one hates Regina in Mean Girls. She's a #1 Bitch and she's living the life. Cady, however, still seems to think that she's the sweetest thing despite her bitchery, which just makes you want to bitch-slap some self-awareness into her. Same goes for Serena.

Serena still thinks that she's just letting her inner sparkle shine. Whatever. What she's really doing is taking over the role of massive tool from Dan the Douche for a couple of episodes.

Blair's journey in this episode really hit home for me. As a high-achieving, perpetually self-doubting angst monkey, I take a lot of things very seriously. College admissions is one of them. Now, I lucked out in the grand scheme of things when it came to applying to colleges: there was very little overlap between the schools my friends and I applied to, and if we applied to the same one, the result tended to be the same. Very little drama. But interfering with college admissions is a HUGE no-no for me. I mean, it's a primary reason why I don't like Gabriella from High School Musical. And Serena messing with Yale? Inexcusable.

Did Blair go too far by putting Serena's "murder victim" into the Dean's hands? Yes. But Blair gets stupid when she gets desperate. And Serena made her take that step.

Isn't it what you always fear? That your stupid best friend, just because she's prettier than you, will end up with everything you ever wanted? (See: Smallville and Chloe.)

Maybe I'm too decidedly Team Blair.

Nah.

2. The Fight.

LAME. Seriously, man. I wanted a full-on fight (see: Brooke and Peyton in OTH), not a glimpse of a fight and then a cutway and the next time we see them, they're adjusting their clothes. For all I know, they had sex and that's why they stopped fighting.

But it definitely featured the best lines from the episode:

"I really hate that stupid headband!"

"Ow! My headband!"

3. Poor Little Rich Boy.

Jeez, his man bangs look AWESOME in this cap.

Oh, Nate. How your angst makes me want to give you a hug. But seriously. I know you're a horny teenage boy, but considering you just got out of a two-episode love triangle, moving in on a college girl (while age-wise, in between your two former lovers), is kind of skanky.

Also, who else wanted to hear the words, "I'm Chuck Bass" slip from Nate's lips when asked his name? Why would you want to be Dan Humphrey when you can be Chuck Bass?

4. Rufus/Lilly!

HOT DAMN, Lilly.

How I love them. That is all.

5. THE MOTHERCHUCKER IN ACTION

Chuck is such a BAMF. The final twist in the end was PHENOM and pure Chuck. Really, when Chuck does things like this, you are reminded how perfect he is for Blair because, together, they'd rule the world.

But Chuck has also been having major angst issues of late. Like Blair, he's lost a lot. He's never had his dad, he's lost Blair, and now he's lost Nate. But just like Blair, when the world is taken from him, he gets ruthless. And that's when he's the most interesting to watch.

Next Week: Gossip Girl meets Cruel Intentions. Blair will have sex with Chuck if he seduces Vanessa. I have no idea how this works with the plot or how this isn't a blatant rip-off of CI, but I'm super-excited.